sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
