I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
