Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you would pick up someone in the library
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
