Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
