New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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