Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Four minutes until I can fart!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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