I look better un-naked...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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