Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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