I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
