Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Holy shit dude........stairs
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize