Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
