You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
