you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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