It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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