New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
