fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
