Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
