My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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