I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
