If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
