he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
