Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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