People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
