i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
