Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
