we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
