either way he was missing a nipple.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
