What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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