nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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