Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
