He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
