Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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