I like my sex mixed with concussions.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
