I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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