Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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