Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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