ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Houston, we have a squirter
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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