forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
