Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
