Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
