just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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