that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
