I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
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