you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
