drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
