I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
