So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
