Moan for me like Helen Keller
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
