man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
