I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Small penises have feelings too.
We got so high we made milksteak
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
