I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
