Please, let me fuck your mom
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
