I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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