i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
