8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
