The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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