ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
