So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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