I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
