Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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