apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
