No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
