In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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