I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
