I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
