so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
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so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
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You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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