Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
