he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
