At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
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we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
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Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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